I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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