ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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