Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
