tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
