Someone shit on the floor
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
