i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
