i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
