worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
