ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
