And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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