just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
