Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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