even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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