I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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