Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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