Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
