i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
