why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
