shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
