I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
