dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
