I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
