i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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