it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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