ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
