i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
