What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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