hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
