My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
