i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
