My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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