Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
