I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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