K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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