Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary