This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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