Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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