she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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