...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
