I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
