don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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