I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
