That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
