and she was petting her beer can
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
