pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
