Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
