I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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