I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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