Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
