apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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