Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
