i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
