I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize