A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
