Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
