dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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