you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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