I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
