Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill

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(352): View more from Florida

I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

(352): View more from Florida

Just realized these events may be related.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.

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(613): View more from Ontario

She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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(916): View more from California

Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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(678): View more from Georgia

I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo

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(310): View more from California

My feet surprised me

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