he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
