I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
