What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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