Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
someone owes me an orgasm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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