Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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