I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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