did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
