Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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