I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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