are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
