i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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